Some mindless self-indulgence

When are you happiest? Do you have to realize when you are happiest? I mean, when you are in those feelings, do you have to recognize that you have them?


Memory is important to us; it helps us build our personalities. For practical purposes, it is our memories.

I say to myself, one of the lyrics from Cap 'n Jazz, they sing, "I can't stand, standing here like this, and I can't take taking any talk serious." And they repeat it over and over, and they have lyrics. The song ends, "We're trying so hard to forget who we are, We're trying so hard to forget who we are."

I have friends who are successful in the way that success can be obvious, in the way that skies can appear blue truly and obviously.

This we might call the Locke-Spinoza theories of knowledge 3rd kind, the third octane, where you don't have to do any sense recognition, or mathematical workouts, rather you just know knowledge. Spinoza talked about this as intuition, and knowledge of God. On this blog we also connected these three levels to Aristotle's levels of friendship: a) getting together for a group or partnered project, b) getting together because one of the partners wants to feel good, and c) being friends where both want what is virtuous in the other person.

I have friends who are successful and they are successful in ways that I am not. This is intentional: I like the sexiness of having these friends. I like having these people around because it makes conversation fluid, interesting, great. I like having these conversations and hearing about these ideas.

The converse of course hurts. The converse is where they talk about their achievements and I realize that I really don't have any sort of support for my own. What achievements do I have?

I read Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott. As a successful author, she had to write and write and write before having recognition. She has a small section about other author friends who are going great. She tells them, "gright, that's just gright." Finally, she simply says that she needs a break from the friendship.

I had something similar with a friend this semester, who is doing excellent. My grades are nothing like hers, and she is able to work and work and work and party and party and party and I had to say that I have to work these days and I can't hang out right now.

http://www.amazon.com/Bird-Some-Instructions-Writing-Life/dp/0385480016/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1256609796&sr=8-1

That is, the very reason I hang out with these people is a reason to self-scorn, at times. I ride this fine line and I have to be careful.

Dr. Kasser, my philosophy adviser and a sampled essay for this blog, floored me one time. I asked him whether he believed in God, or Free Will. He said, "Why does it matter?" To which I did not have a reply. The point was that we were at an advising session and it was time to get back to advising.

When am I happiest?

I've written almost 200 blog entries, obviously some are shorter than others. I've been to more than enough parties, and coffee dates. My mom made fun of me in High School by calling them "play dates" when I was supposed to be working minimum wage.

My happiest times these days is usually across from a friend talking.

I've written over 500 letters to my sister Paige Saez. These are simply sculptures with words. That is, they are sculptures in that they serve no purpose except to keep writing and expressing. It's an open connection with my sister Paige.

That is, just because the Pyramids have no function or have a weird function (like harvesting or communicating with Aliens, or other countries) or are symbolic (like the Eiffel Tower or The Statue of Liberty) does not devalue them.

The truth is I don't think at this point I could help myself. Paige is essential because 1) She communicates with me on the phone about what I'm writing, 2) she does not communicate with me about what I am writing, 3) her universal audience is important: I'm telling all to a person I can tell all to, (it's also interesting: I end up deemphasizing some of my interactions and emphasizing others;) and 4) she's my sister she's encouraging and accepting.